I often think that a fear of failure or not being good enough is the root cause of so many problems we face. If we’re afraid to fail then we are essentially afraid to do, or at least afraid to do anything meaningful. This doesn’t mean to say that we should put ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in, but I think that people often struggle to differentiate between what they don’t want and what they are too afraid to pursue.
I’ll give you an example of a situation I’ve been in where I was in a job that I didn’t like and I felt like I was going absolutely nowhere with it, which was frustrating and depressing. The reasons I didn’t liberate myself from this position were numerous, but the one that stands out the most for me was my fear of not being good enough, which directly correlates with a fear of failure. So I found myself in a position where I felt directionless and even though I tried pursuing hobbies or other activities outside of work in the hope that they would lead to something – in the end I felt like I was right back where I started, like there was no hope of anything ever being different. Sounds extreme I know, but fear can do that to you – it can cause an anxiety that makes irrational thoughts feel frighteningly real and inescapable. Essentially I became so afraid to fail that I ended up subconsciously self sabotaging and ending up in the same place over and over again. Fear creates the anxiety and the anxiety causes us to refuse change, which I believe is our instinctual way of protecting ourselves. The trouble with this is that it’s pretty easy to get it wrong, owing to the immense pressure we place on ourselves. So even if we truly desire change – when we’re afraid, what we truly want becomes distorted. I desperately wanted to get out of the job, but my fear held me back. It took me a long time to realise that I was convincing myself that I couldn’t do better because I was too afraid to try.
The point of my example is that I believe if you’re going to successfully break away from a situation where you feel stuck, first you have to accept why you’re stuck in the first place. I think a lot of people focus on the consequences of being stuck rather than why they are stuck. For example; a consequence of being stuck might be hating your job and/or the people you work with. Why you are stuck is more likely to come down to your lack of self belief and the self-destructive attitude that goes with it, but all you focus on is how much you hate going to work each morning. I think the hard option here is to spend time understanding the situation and digging for the real reason you’re unhappy. Unfortunately, I think it’s much easier to choose to believe in our own excuses – like the job is beneath us, our colleagues are assholes, or ‘that’s just how it is’. Whatever the excuse, I think we have to consider that there is often an underlying emotional cause – like being afraid that you’re not good enough, that you won’t fit in, and thus making it so.
It’s so important to be able to admit to yourself that you’re afraid to fail or that you don’t think you’re good enough. The joy of putting yourself outside of your comfort zone is the learning process involved – win or lose, I don’t think you can ever truly fail, because you learn something about yourself, what you need to improve on and what works well for you. Fear of failure is naturally built into most of us to some degree but I think the main difference between people who succeed and those who don’t even try, is all down to how much they let the fear control them and dictate their actions. The way I see it, you are ALWAYS good enough because you are you, there’s only one of you and you are the only real measure of your own success. Sure, other people can appreciate and recognise what you’ve done or what you stand for but they’ll never deeply understand everything that it means to you and your own journey. Like I said before, you can NEVER truly fail either, because with every failure comes an opportunity to learn and grow. What do you think?
Thanks for reading!